WASHINGTON - Though most have suspected for some time, the world was shocked to discover that former Vice-President Cheney no longer has any detectable pulse. The man with the famous sideways grin, remarkable resemblance to Dr. Strangelove and ruthless approach to engaging in colossal acts of national sabotage suffered the first of his 5 heart attacks in 1978,* and has fought a losing battle against heart disease ever since. Critics have been quick to point out the likelihood that the debilitating effects of the disease may explain not only his apparent heartlessness toward the rest of humanity, but also an oxygen deprivation to that portion of the brain that keeps the urge to engage in pathological lies in check...it is, however, not in the purview of a non-medical expert such as this writer to either confirm or deny this hypothesis.
In related news the newly-elected House Speaker John Boehner began the 102nd session of Congress with a promise to cut $100 billion from domestic spending. This is from the party that wants to repeal the recently-enacted health care legislation and which considers Homeland Security and Defense spending off-limits to any reduction. To place this into perspective, bear in mind that for fiscal year 2011, total defense-related expenditures are estimated between $1.060–$1.449 trillion1 - or about 30% of the total budget.2 The cuts proposed by the Republicans just might be the lethal heart attack for those programs - education, health and infrastructure - already emaciated from lean years brought on by Wall Street's party days and the Bush-Cheney Wars. Perhaps they might take a cue from Cheney's recent weight loss and go after the fat - defense-related spending - rather than the heart.
1 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_budget_of_the_United_States
2 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_United_States_federal_budget
*precisely matching in count the 5 draft deferments he applied for and received - thus avoiding any of the pesky dangers of combat duty he has directed so many others toward, first as Secretary of Defense under the elder Bush with the invasion of Panama and Operation Desert Storm in the Middle East; then as the muscle behind the ill-fated Afghanistan and Iraqi Invasions/Wars
